my new habit...pushing ppl away
I talked crap @ 2:35 p.m. on Monday, Mar. 29, 2004

this person i was guna meet. flaked on me twice and keeps saying they'll call, but they don't. so i get my hopes up thinkin' they'll call but they dont. then i get my feelings hurt. even tho i don't really care, it's odd. and i'm bumed. bcuz i wana be mean to this person, or not really MEAN, but i don't want to care yano. Or not be mean, but not talk to them and just kind of give them what they've been giving me, but i know they prolly don't even give a sh!t and then i'd just be the one end up hurt, as usual, and i don't want that. that wouldn't be good. but i guess i've been feeling a little negelected so any attention i get i eat it up, then i feel like i start to piss ppl off. like push ppl away. Like Blake. He's this great kid. I really do heart him. He's helarious and nice. he's the kind, that when he's around you feel okay. You feel like you can tell him anything. Well it feels like i'm annoying him or pushing him away. Like everyone who likes me, any of my friends, anyone who loves me(if anyone does:-/) i feel like i'm pushing them away. idk why either.

ergh.

i think i think too much.

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